I'm pretty sure that I could get pregnant within the next 48 hours. The problem is that, right now, I have absolutely no desire to have sex with my husband. I fear we're heading down a dark path and I don't know what to do.
For months, I've been tracking my body, noting what days I bleed, what days I leak watery fluid. I note how heavy the flows are, whether I feel a cramp, and what my temperature is before I get out of bed in the morning.
We've been trying for two months now, and yesterday I was ready to bet that today would be the day. But with the last snip we just had this evening, I don't think it's going to happen. I can't do this, even though I want my second baby so much.
I'm not getting any younger. Believe me, there's a good chance I'm reproductively challenged. I want my child to have a sibling. But I worry every day what adding another family member will do to my health. I feel like I already have to take care of two kids, my toddler and my husband. This is why married men live ten years longer than bachelors, and married women live three years less than their single counterparts. (I remember a slide from a presentation shown to my company some twenty years ago.)
It kills me to let another egg go to waste. But how can I create something when I don't know if the family will be stable?
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