Ruffles and Skirts

I've been looking at some designer crib linens that Target sells. I can't help notice that the crib skirts always seem to sell out quickly. I personally have never had much interest in using them. The poofy ones always seem a bit cluttered to me, but the straight hanging ones can look nice and give a bed that clean look.

I'd probably use one more if they weren't such a pain to put and keep on the bed. Since it simply lays on top of the frame, it moves around to easily. Unless there's someone else there to hold it in place, the minute you put the mattress on and try to put everything in place, it's off.

Anyone have some tricks out there for keep these things on right?

And then, there's changing the skirt every time you change bedding sets? No thanks. I would only go for a neutral color that would complement any bedding set I use.

Nowhere land

I'm pretty sure that I could get pregnant within the next 48 hours. The problem is that, right now, I have absolutely no desire to have sex with my husband. I fear we're heading down a dark path and I don't know what to do.

For months, I've been tracking my body, noting what days I bleed, what days I leak watery fluid. I note how heavy the flows are, whether I feel a cramp, and what my temperature is before I get out of bed in the morning.

We've been trying for two months now, and yesterday I was ready to bet that today would be the day. But with the last snip we just had this evening, I don't think it's going to happen. I can't do this, even though I want my second baby so much.

I'm not getting any younger. Believe me, there's a good chance I'm reproductively challenged. I want my child to have a sibling. But I worry every day what adding another family member will do to my health. I feel like I already have to take care of two kids, my toddler and my husband. This is why married men live ten years longer than bachelors, and married women live three years less than their single counterparts. (I remember a slide from a presentation shown to my company some twenty years ago.)

It kills me to let another egg go to waste. But how can I create something when I don't know if the family will be stable?

Cayenne pesticide

I did some research last year after losing my strawberry crop to slugs and sow bugs. I didn't want to use any chemical pesticides so I searched for something simple and effective. Cayenne pepper is what I decided to try.

The recipe is simple, you boil cayenne pepper and spray the resulting liquid on your fruit. I dipped my finger in the juice to see if it had any effect. The heat was quite strong and it seemed like enough.

Unfortunately, the only sprayer in the house wasn't working. I ended up simply spooning it over the strawberries. Spooning liquid over peaches does not work. All the liquid just rolls off. The cayenne juice was effective on the half eaten peach on the ground. The fruit flies flew away and didn't come back.

The real test was whether I would come back the next morning and find my fruits still whole. Sadly, I'd have to say the cayenne was ineffective. While it kept away the little insects, I still had holes in my strawberries and half eaten peaches. Boo.

Dorito diet

We recently took our toddler to the aquarium. At 17 months we figured he was ready to see live animals. Going on a Saturday is definitely crowded. There were strollers everywhere.

I was a little nervous to park our stroller off to the side but you just have to trust that everyone is there to see the exhibits and not to steal (especially since each adult is $30 admission). For each exhibit area, there was usually a sign that asked guests to park their strollers before entering. I would say half the people with strollers followed the instructions, the other half proceeded into the exhibit area with their stroller.

There were definitely spaces where people needed to leave their strollers off to the side. I know kids get heavy to carry, but it's very frustrating to have them blocking your path. Why is it so difficult to put a little thought into where you drive your stroller? The level of courtesy and manners is lacking these days over individual needs.

That, however, was not my biggest observation at the aquarium. Besides parking strollers, there are signs that say no food in the aquarium. Around dinner time, we saw a family coming through the eco display. The husband and wife were playfully fighting over a bag of chips. I could smell the artificial cheese flavor of the Doritos as we passed them. It just seemed so rude to be eating flavored chips in the aquarium.

First of all, food is not allowed. Secondly, the smell was annoying. And third, yes, third, the bag was a COSTCO size bag of Doritos. Since when are Costco size bags of chips something you munch on as a snack. What happened to portion control? It's not surprising that this couple was large and overweight.

Going to the museum was fun. It was great to see our child experience something new. On the other hand, it was disappointing to see examples of how American culture is deteriorating.

It can't be

Hmmm, I'm feeling a tinge of nausea today. I may have gotten pregnant in the past 48 hours. Is it possible to already feel it? Naw, it can't be. I must have just eaten something funny or am imagining things...

Oh wait, maybe it's just the numbing stuff the dentist gave me this morning before he did my new filling.

But maybe I'll buy some ginger ale just in case. :)

My little world of glass

I know I'm not the only one out there. I struggle through the jealousy, disappointment, frustration, and self-doubt every week. At a young age, my parents built up the impression that I was capable of many things. Looking back, I always wonder why I feel like such an underachiever?

There's a strange dichotomy that comes from growing up in my family. You strive to do well, you're supposed to. At the same time, nothing is ever good enough. As well as I did (I finish 25th in a high school class of 600+), I always felt like second best. I didn't get into an Ivy League school, I didn't land a high paying, high status job out of college.

Even now, I feel like I lag most everyone I know (family, friends, and close acquaintances). I didn't earn a six-figure salary until I was 34. I didn't marry until I was 37. My first child came at the ripe age of 39. To make things worse, I don't like my job and feel like I'm trapped in this career unless I want to start back at the bottom. And to make things more complicated, I'm less willing to compromise on the type of job I want because I want to be able to have realistic hours that still allow me to take care of my family.

Gee, yeah, this is going to be easy to change...

Is this the start of something bad

To say that thing have been rocky lately might be a start. I write this as my husband stands outside our front door in the dark. It sounds like he's one the phone with someone. I wonder if he's chatting with some friend at work. Part of me wonders if this is the start of him having an affair (emotional or physical) with someone else. Yes, it feels that bad right now.

I've been unhappy and I let it show. Neither of us are perfect. I know I nag a lot, but I'm not sure he realizes how darn lazy and selfish he acts sometimes. Tonight was a perfect example. I pick up kiddo and arrive home just after 6pm. I set the stew to cook while we play a little in the yard.

Hubby comes home just after 6:30pm. Everyone greets each other and I continue to tend to dinner. While the stew is stewing and the rice is steaming, I'm pulling food from the refrigerator to make kiddo's dinner. Dad and baby are on the floor playing with a bowl of grains. It's all a picture perfect family.

Then, the grains spill everywhere. We put kiddo in his highchair and Dad sets the tray of food in front of him. Kiddo refuse to eat it. He points at the fruit I left in view. Dad gives up and walks off (to use the bathroom and check his work e-mail as he does many evenings). That leaves me watching kiddo eat fruit and keep an eye on the stove.

I go to the stove to skim some fat off the stew. There's no way to know how much time went by. But when I turn to kiddo to see if he's started on his main course, I see him shaking the tray and no food anywhere. That's right, it's all on the floor. He refuses to eat any of it no matter what I try.

Dad comes back from his office and stands at the bar watching us. I get fed up, take away the tray, and get ready to take kiddo out of the high chair. We go over to the sink and get his hands washed up. It's time to tend the stove so I let kiddo walk around but he asks for foods I won't let him eat. So I decide to put him behind the child gate at the doorway of the kitchen. Kiddo screams and cries while I clean the floor and Dad stands there.

As Dad lounged on the couch, I finally complained that Dad wasn't being helpful, and he said he was waiting for me to take kiddo upstairs so that he could start cleaning up the kitchen. Why can't he work on part of the kitchen now?

Well this ended up being longer than I expected. I'm just trying to understand why we have so many breakdowns in communication and why I'm so unhappy these days.