Ruffles and Skirts

I've been looking at some designer crib linens that Target sells. I can't help notice that the crib skirts always seem to sell out quickly. I personally have never had much interest in using them. The poofy ones always seem a bit cluttered to me, but the straight hanging ones can look nice and give a bed that clean look.

I'd probably use one more if they weren't such a pain to put and keep on the bed. Since it simply lays on top of the frame, it moves around to easily. Unless there's someone else there to hold it in place, the minute you put the mattress on and try to put everything in place, it's off.

Anyone have some tricks out there for keep these things on right?

And then, there's changing the skirt every time you change bedding sets? No thanks. I would only go for a neutral color that would complement any bedding set I use.

Nowhere land

I'm pretty sure that I could get pregnant within the next 48 hours. The problem is that, right now, I have absolutely no desire to have sex with my husband. I fear we're heading down a dark path and I don't know what to do.

For months, I've been tracking my body, noting what days I bleed, what days I leak watery fluid. I note how heavy the flows are, whether I feel a cramp, and what my temperature is before I get out of bed in the morning.

We've been trying for two months now, and yesterday I was ready to bet that today would be the day. But with the last snip we just had this evening, I don't think it's going to happen. I can't do this, even though I want my second baby so much.

I'm not getting any younger. Believe me, there's a good chance I'm reproductively challenged. I want my child to have a sibling. But I worry every day what adding another family member will do to my health. I feel like I already have to take care of two kids, my toddler and my husband. This is why married men live ten years longer than bachelors, and married women live three years less than their single counterparts. (I remember a slide from a presentation shown to my company some twenty years ago.)

It kills me to let another egg go to waste. But how can I create something when I don't know if the family will be stable?

Cayenne pesticide

I did some research last year after losing my strawberry crop to slugs and sow bugs. I didn't want to use any chemical pesticides so I searched for something simple and effective. Cayenne pepper is what I decided to try.

The recipe is simple, you boil cayenne pepper and spray the resulting liquid on your fruit. I dipped my finger in the juice to see if it had any effect. The heat was quite strong and it seemed like enough.

Unfortunately, the only sprayer in the house wasn't working. I ended up simply spooning it over the strawberries. Spooning liquid over peaches does not work. All the liquid just rolls off. The cayenne juice was effective on the half eaten peach on the ground. The fruit flies flew away and didn't come back.

The real test was whether I would come back the next morning and find my fruits still whole. Sadly, I'd have to say the cayenne was ineffective. While it kept away the little insects, I still had holes in my strawberries and half eaten peaches. Boo.

Dorito diet

We recently took our toddler to the aquarium. At 17 months we figured he was ready to see live animals. Going on a Saturday is definitely crowded. There were strollers everywhere.

I was a little nervous to park our stroller off to the side but you just have to trust that everyone is there to see the exhibits and not to steal (especially since each adult is $30 admission). For each exhibit area, there was usually a sign that asked guests to park their strollers before entering. I would say half the people with strollers followed the instructions, the other half proceeded into the exhibit area with their stroller.

There were definitely spaces where people needed to leave their strollers off to the side. I know kids get heavy to carry, but it's very frustrating to have them blocking your path. Why is it so difficult to put a little thought into where you drive your stroller? The level of courtesy and manners is lacking these days over individual needs.

That, however, was not my biggest observation at the aquarium. Besides parking strollers, there are signs that say no food in the aquarium. Around dinner time, we saw a family coming through the eco display. The husband and wife were playfully fighting over a bag of chips. I could smell the artificial cheese flavor of the Doritos as we passed them. It just seemed so rude to be eating flavored chips in the aquarium.

First of all, food is not allowed. Secondly, the smell was annoying. And third, yes, third, the bag was a COSTCO size bag of Doritos. Since when are Costco size bags of chips something you munch on as a snack. What happened to portion control? It's not surprising that this couple was large and overweight.

Going to the museum was fun. It was great to see our child experience something new. On the other hand, it was disappointing to see examples of how American culture is deteriorating.

It can't be

Hmmm, I'm feeling a tinge of nausea today. I may have gotten pregnant in the past 48 hours. Is it possible to already feel it? Naw, it can't be. I must have just eaten something funny or am imagining things...

Oh wait, maybe it's just the numbing stuff the dentist gave me this morning before he did my new filling.

But maybe I'll buy some ginger ale just in case. :)

My little world of glass

I know I'm not the only one out there. I struggle through the jealousy, disappointment, frustration, and self-doubt every week. At a young age, my parents built up the impression that I was capable of many things. Looking back, I always wonder why I feel like such an underachiever?

There's a strange dichotomy that comes from growing up in my family. You strive to do well, you're supposed to. At the same time, nothing is ever good enough. As well as I did (I finish 25th in a high school class of 600+), I always felt like second best. I didn't get into an Ivy League school, I didn't land a high paying, high status job out of college.

Even now, I feel like I lag most everyone I know (family, friends, and close acquaintances). I didn't earn a six-figure salary until I was 34. I didn't marry until I was 37. My first child came at the ripe age of 39. To make things worse, I don't like my job and feel like I'm trapped in this career unless I want to start back at the bottom. And to make things more complicated, I'm less willing to compromise on the type of job I want because I want to be able to have realistic hours that still allow me to take care of my family.

Gee, yeah, this is going to be easy to change...

Is this the start of something bad

To say that thing have been rocky lately might be a start. I write this as my husband stands outside our front door in the dark. It sounds like he's one the phone with someone. I wonder if he's chatting with some friend at work. Part of me wonders if this is the start of him having an affair (emotional or physical) with someone else. Yes, it feels that bad right now.

I've been unhappy and I let it show. Neither of us are perfect. I know I nag a lot, but I'm not sure he realizes how darn lazy and selfish he acts sometimes. Tonight was a perfect example. I pick up kiddo and arrive home just after 6pm. I set the stew to cook while we play a little in the yard.

Hubby comes home just after 6:30pm. Everyone greets each other and I continue to tend to dinner. While the stew is stewing and the rice is steaming, I'm pulling food from the refrigerator to make kiddo's dinner. Dad and baby are on the floor playing with a bowl of grains. It's all a picture perfect family.

Then, the grains spill everywhere. We put kiddo in his highchair and Dad sets the tray of food in front of him. Kiddo refuse to eat it. He points at the fruit I left in view. Dad gives up and walks off (to use the bathroom and check his work e-mail as he does many evenings). That leaves me watching kiddo eat fruit and keep an eye on the stove.

I go to the stove to skim some fat off the stew. There's no way to know how much time went by. But when I turn to kiddo to see if he's started on his main course, I see him shaking the tray and no food anywhere. That's right, it's all on the floor. He refuses to eat any of it no matter what I try.

Dad comes back from his office and stands at the bar watching us. I get fed up, take away the tray, and get ready to take kiddo out of the high chair. We go over to the sink and get his hands washed up. It's time to tend the stove so I let kiddo walk around but he asks for foods I won't let him eat. So I decide to put him behind the child gate at the doorway of the kitchen. Kiddo screams and cries while I clean the floor and Dad stands there.

As Dad lounged on the couch, I finally complained that Dad wasn't being helpful, and he said he was waiting for me to take kiddo upstairs so that he could start cleaning up the kitchen. Why can't he work on part of the kitchen now?

Well this ended up being longer than I expected. I'm just trying to understand why we have so many breakdowns in communication and why I'm so unhappy these days.

Privacy

Back in secondary school, I was known to my friends as the information source. I cracked the code on locker combinations. I was trusted with access to people's addresses and grades. I would keep information profiles in the back of my diary on guys I liked. I was good at remembering details. When we graduated people wrote that I should be in the CIA. (Maybe I should have taken their recommendation more seriously.)

Now, in this day in age, I find myself doing the exact opposite. Knowing how everyone has access to information through the Internet, I don't like to idea of my life being an open book. As someone who finds every way to gather information on people, I know what's out there and see just how scary it is. I don't like the idea that someday some psycho could know so much about me. My worries are somewhat quelled knowing that my name is better known as a woman in Austrailia who is a professional business coach.

In this day an age, my attitude is probably not the norm. The newest individuals of our society grow up expecting instant gratification and thinking that the goal in life is to be a celebrity. People have no sense of privacy, no appreciation for what is to live the life you have rather than intruding upon everyone else's.

Always one step behind

I've been thinking about our next baby. Just as we're getting into a groove with kiddo, we've got to start thinking about number two. If I were thirty, I'd be happy to wait another year, but alas I am not young anymore. As it is, I'll be very lucky to have a normal pregnancy. My finger are crossed that my eggs and body are still healthy and ready to go.

We managed to buy a beautiful Stokke Sleepi crib from another person in my mothers' club. I still can't believe I was the first one to respond. Both the previous owner of the crib and many people online have commented that the bassinet is not worth the hassle. I'm still leaning towards trying it especially if it will be hubby dealing with the hassle of changing the configuration.

Since my shopping obsession has moved towards baby items rather than for myself, I started looking for bassinet bedding. It seems like everyone has quit offering Stokke bedding other than Stokke. DwellStudio has some just last year, but it's gone. I also ran across this great company called Gus & Max that had some beautiful patterns for the Stokke bassinet and crib. They closed down and were sold off to another company. I really like the birch leaf and sky sap patterns. Someone has a bassinet set in sky sap on Craigslist, but they're on the other side of the country. It's not likely I'm going to be able to buy this pattern.

I feel like I'm always one step behind. When I want something, I just miss it. It's like when my Denby Blue Jetty pattern went on clearance at Macy's. I had just added it to my wedding registry the previous month. Then I went camping for the weekend only to discover that all the dinnerware went on sale for 70% off original price and people bought it all up. Argh. Luckily, I managed to collect enough pieces to be relatively happy. I still yearn to buy some more rice bowls but I'm not willing to pay $30 for one.

Faded choices and luck

Good news, we bought a tricycle. I had been monitoring Craigslist for several weeks. I searched mostly using "Kettler" but would every so often scan "tricycle" to see what else might be out there.

As luck would have it, I found someone who incorrectly spelled "Kettler" and I guessed they weren't getting much response to their listing. Sure enough, after two weeks, she lowered her price. I e-mailed asking about the trike.

It just so happened that someone else posted a similar trike for a little less money. The only thing was they were further away. Better price, more driving... how to you weigh out what's worth it?

In the afternoon, I received responses from both of them. The trikes were in good condition, but both let me know that there was some fading. I generally like to keep things in good condition so I wasn't sure what to do.

Scanning the postings again, a new one popped up in our city. In fact, as I studied the photo of the trike, I realized the house in the background seemed familiar. The style of the facade, the window position, the textured driveway, and the L-shaped sidewalk all told me they probably live somewhere within a two-block radius. Does it seem scary to you that I could know so much from looking at one picture. Well, when you walk you local block every day, you get a good feel for the houses (especially since it's all tract homes). I e-mailed them hoping I could see if this trike was in better shape.

A few hours later, they called. As we spoke, I started to wonder if they were one of the two houses at the opposite end of our street because I know two houses had the same colors as the ones in the photo. I casually mentioned that I thought we lived in the same neighborhood. He then told me the street and I laughed, yes, I simply needed to walk 10 houses down. How easy and convenient is that?!!

Just like that, I wheeled home our kiddo's new tricycle. Whee!

Setting boundaries

In this day an age, my attitude is probably not the norm. The newest individuals of our society grow up expecting instant gratification and thinking that the goal in life is to be a celebrity. People have no sense of privacy, no appreciation for what is to live the life you have rather than intruding upon everyone else's. Somehow people have learned to equate importance with having people who want to know what you're doing every minute of the day.

I understand everyone's need to feel important, but I think it's just another reason our culture is spiraling downward. While there is a minority who strive to do justice, to share the wealth, etc., the media and big business are shaping people's behavior towards selfish ideals. Reality shows, professional sports, every special interest group creates a sense of entitlement. Being outrageous, unethical, greedy are all perceived as okay because celebrities openly behave this way without any remorse, guilt, or shame.

I digress from my original topic... . I think social media allows for a lot more learning, more expression, more creativity. But my point is that while I think there are great things about the modern communication, there lacks of sense of boundaries.

Getting caught up in it all

My boy is growing at a fast pace. Now that spring is here, he demands outside time every day. Often, his first word in the morning is ut-si. Translation... outside.

That has brought me to our next set of purchases. Today specifically, it's a toddler tricycle. The big one, at least around here, are Kettler trikes. The most expensive model retails for some $250. Less expensive brands like Radio Flyer and Little Tykes brands carry similar looking trikes for $70. So is the price difference worth it?

I wish there was a way to directly compare all these products. Yes, you can read people's reviews, but it's a different story to touch and roll these trikes. The one big disadvantage of some much product being sold on the Internet is that there are few places to see these products in person. What is great for one child, doesn't mean it's perfect for the next. There are a couple decent videos, but the demos are usually in a store, not in a more realistic setting such as a neighborhood sidewalk. A great service would be to be able to rent items such as this like a library. (But of course, services like this rarely can make enough money to exist.)

And then there's this thought, am I just getting caught up in being like everyone else around here? Ah, that's a discussion for another day I suppose... .

Pharmaceutical optimism

There is an article in the NY Times today talking about people's expectations when it comes to testing unapproved drugs for cancer. The overall conclusion is that people all believe they will be the lucky ones who benefit. Everyone needs hope, but is it unrealistic?

This brings me to the broader question of how unrealistic people's expectations are for drugs in general. If you search for any drug, you're bound to found some class-action lawsuit alleging dangerous side-effect caused by a drug. Folks, EVERY drug has side effects. NOTHING is 100% safe; nothing ever will be. For every benefit there is a risk. That's what happens when you attempt to alter the natural functions of the human body.

I understand your desire to be well, to live a better life, but drugs are not the magic solution. Like with anything, healing is a combination of efforts. I'm talking more so about health issues such as losing weight, quitting smoking, type II diabetes, and heart disease. If you choose to eat potato chips and refuse to eat vegetables, why should you expect your diet pills or your gastric bypass to help you lose weight? If you drink 64 ounces of sugary soda each day, why are you surprised your feet are having problems? Just because you take cholesterol-lowering drugs daily doesn't mean you have a right to eat a McDonalds meal every day.

Pills are not the solution. They don't give you an excuse to continue negative behaviors. The reason this country is so unhealthy and spends so much on healthcare is because people don't take responsibility for their own health. Stop expecting others to take care of you - they just want your money. Only you can heal yourself.

Back again

It's been difficult to stay away...

I started blogging pretty early in my life. For me, it was a natural progression from twenty some years of journal writing.

My first blog was therapy. It was your typical, heartbroken girl trying to understand a big breakup. The second chronicled my adventures in dating. It was a great way to open my world to other people and connect with others. Blogging was a chance for me to see outside of my little universe to learn about the perspectives of people who I will likely never meet - be it players, daters, travellers, diners, adventurers, New Yorkers, Californians, Canadians, runners, artists. I enjoyed sharing stories with many of the people I connected with along the way.

But then, the world swallowed me and I disappeared into the world of marriage, house, and baby. It's been wonderful, but the circles in which one swims change. In some sense the world feels smaller, but at the same time it grows. No one ever said raising children is easy but it can be extremely rewarding.

Two years later, I find myself needing to revisit me. I'm not a fresh-faced, twenty-something gal out to conquer the world. I still want to be challenged, I still want to learn, but give me time to make a healthy meal for my family, run some errands, play ball with my son before he goes to bed, and have a little one-on-one time with my husband. Is that so much to ask?

So here I am.